a velvet hand in an iron glove (missfrost) wrote,
a velvet hand in an iron glove
missfrost

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it costs more to divorce than to marry...

Are you happy? Think about it. What if someone asked you that question right now and you absolutely had to answer. I watched a documentary on the very subject about 25 years ago and the main conclusion was that we put off being happy for no reason - 'I'll be happy when I earn X amount/have a lovely partner/lose this much weight...' and the consensus was, why wait? Just be happy NOW?!
I've learned a few things from people I've known. Mainly from Monica, a former workmate. Monica moaned about everything: the job, the people in the job, the weather, the price of cigarettes, the clients, the pay, the desks, her daughter's expensive wedding, babysitting the grandkids...If five of you were talking and one left, Monica would slate the one who had walked away, immediately. I found myself thinking that I do NOT want to be Monica. I do NOT want to be the person that drags everything down, and I think and hope I have succeeded in that.
And helping that is Julius, an absolutely ace Nigerian I worked with who was Monica's antithesis. He was enthusiastically happy about Britain and any problem that arose he would say 'aaah, never mind!' with a smile. Every problem could be overcome with Julius' ' God save thi qwin!' happiness, which he would chant quite a lot. I thought one day, would I rather be Monica who drags everyone down to her depressive level, or Julius, who brings you UP with his happiness? Who would I rather be around, for the rest of my life? The kids call it a no-brainer.I chose to be a cheery person. If you ask me at work how I am I will ALWAYS so OK! thanks to Monica.
So I always try to be a cheery person, thanks to you, you miserable bitch.
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  • 17 comments
Always look on the bright side of life
;-)

Haha! My husband is a bit of a Monica and I find myself being the precise opposite because I CANNOT BEAR the misery and bitterness. Sometimes I'm grateful for that, sometimes I wish he'd just SHUT UP.
I am happy pretty much most of the time. I think I was depressed for so long that every day that I'm not depressed I am totally happy and feel that I have everything I need. When the black fit falls again I'm the most miserably emo monster in the world, though. Swings, roundabouts, whore's drawers.
Growing up in South London there always seemed to be a lot of Monicas and this, coupled with my depressive tendencies AND further the amount of stupid fun Ed brings to my life has made me determined to be optimistic and happy wherever possible.

It takes such a lot of work to be miserable and find fault all the time. So draining. And noone likes people like that! Not even other people who are like that!
I am a grumpy bastard at heart, but have had quite a few people express surprise when I mention I have depression, so I don't quite know how I come across. If I'm exhausted and in a lot of pain, though, I can't do the 'fine thanks!' thing, and ended up having to ask people at work to just not ask how I was because they wouldn't like the answer (I don't mean I said 'don't ask...' in response to the question, I actually just said look, I can't do this just out of politeness, sorry).

I've been pretty happy this year so far, though, although it's kind of weird because my brain is still acting like a depressed brain (trouble making plans, decisions etc) but I'm kind of, you know, not feeling miserable. Weird.
I'm also familiar with the depressed-but-not-miserable feeling. I find it hard to explain to people who haven't experienced it.

Re the "how are you" question — YES. Intellectually, I understand that it's often just a longer way of saying "hello", but for some reason it feels wrong to treat it that way and just give the socially acceptable answer of "fine, and you?"
i think finding middle ground is important. monica does sound awful, and cheeriness is almost always a good thing, but sometimes it's okay to feel down, and when you do, it can be incredibly hurtful if everyone around you is acting like it's not important and telling you to look on the bright side. i do admire people who have sunny, positive attitudes, but full time they exhaust me just as much as the ones who are always negative.
This.
Concur.
Yeah. I think I'm Moolius.

-x-
FULLY agree.
monica? MOANica more like!!!
I am pretty darn happy. I suffered from depression for years and so I know what the dumps are. And really life is pretty good. I was having panic attacks for awhile and I have to take medication for it (but not forever) but even in the midst of all of that there were things I was enjoying. I could recognize good things even in the midst of the lowness.

I have people I love and who love me. And something is always a bit funny. So I am rather happy.
What a great post.
It's always good to have "an absolutely ace Nigerian".

Great post and great point.
Happy birthday! Have a great day xx